I grew up surrounded by the music of Bob Marley and as I child I dreamt of having infinite and flawless dreadlocks. I dreamt of growing them, caring for them and loving what my hair was meant to be. But for reasons I still don’t understand, or better to say my parents did not adored the idea, I didn’t, because common wisdom said that natural hair and everything that came with it was untidy.
So as a child I did and came to love what I was given. I started dreaming of having long straight hair, the kind of hair you find in magazines and on the cover of relaxer creams, but didn’t do what they promised to do.
Not long ago I decided, after getting to know a world that I’ve never asked to know, to leave my hair as God gave me and to try to love it the way one loves its own self. I failed and went back to the relaxers.
Now I’ve found the courage to go back to that decision and to embrace it with all my will, even if it’s hard and “different”, the kind of different I would normally avoid.
I have two reasons.
- For some time now I’ve become uncomfortable to wear on my head what does not belong to me, being a pretender to the throne as if the weave or the straight hair are my very own.
I’m not a naturalista because I haven’t cut my hair to grow it the way God decided to make it, but I’ve stopped using relaxers (and I don’t know if this still applies to me).
- Relaxers are toxic and expensive (who are we kidding? Relaxers are expensive!!)
I don’t have any philosophical reason behind the decision of stopping to relax my hair, I just don’t want anymore and if that makes others uncomfortable… then I don’t know what to say.
At first (and every now and then) I felt extremely uncomfortable because it was not the way I dreamt it to be, but now (as I’m writing this piece) I understand that the dream of having what is not mine, what is not better than what I already have and, above all, to have what makes me gain others and lose myself is stupid.
I took my braids out few days ago, and I’ve been going around with my natural hair… and it feels good. Some people actually like it, which makes me feel better.
I’ve started consultation to get dreadlocks and some of the people I’ve been consulting are advising me to cut my hair and grow it afresh. I don’t know how I feel about that, all I know is that at the moment I feel comfortable with my hair the way it is. I just hope to gain more confidence.